It is well-known that divorce is a difficult and emotional time, but until you have been through it yourself, it is impossible to imagine just how exhausting and often traumatic it can be. At one point, you believed that you and your ex would be together forever, and facing a future without them is difficult to accept, even when your relationship has been unhappy for some time. There is, however, the light at the end of the tunnel, and with the right approach to the process and an optimistic outlook, you can rebuild your life. If you have recently separated from your spouse and divorce is on the horizon, this guide includes some words of advice to help you through it.
Let yourself grieve
When a long-term relationship comes to an end, it can feel like a death, and it is not an exaggeration to say that you will go through a grieving process. You are grieving the loss of the life you had, the future that you had mapped out for yourself, and, if you have children, the family unit they have grown up with. You need to let these emotions out. It is not healthy to minimize the pain you are feeling or to pretend that you are not feeling anything at all. Even if you have instigated the separation, you are still likely to pass through several phases of grief.
Often, when we are faced with complex and uncomfortable emotions, it is easier and more familiar to focus on the anger we feel. In some cases, people may even continue to argue through a subconscious desire to stay connected to their ex. Unfortunately, if you are not careful, this anger and conflict could last for several years after your separation, making both of you unhappy and bitter. One of the advantages of divorce is that you no longer need to get into arguments with them, even when they are doing their best to provoke a reaction. It is best to cut contact if you cannot be friendly, but if you need to stay in touch because of the children, adopt a civil, businesslike approach to your communication.
Protect your children
If you have children with your ex, your first priority should be to protect them from as much as you can. Of course, if they are old enough to understand, you need to explain why you are not living together as a family anymore in a way that does not place blame on either you or your spouse. Your children have a right to a positive relationship with both their parents regardless of your personal feelings towards each other. Try not to criticize your ex or talk about adult problems in front of the children. If you are disagreeing about childcare arrangements, it may be best to hire a family law specialist from Wiggins Law LLC to resolve the matter with minimal conflict.
To ensure that you are physically and mentally strong enough to care for your children and to push your life into the next chapter, you need to carve out some time for self-care. You cannot give from an empty cup, and if you are sad and stressed, you are going to impact your relationship with your children. Whether it is taking a hot bath with some scented candles, watching your favorite movie, grabbing a coffee with friends, or treating yourself to a massage or manicure, you need to recharge and refresh from time to time.