Filing for divorce is not an easy thing to do, particularly emotionally. There are a lot of things one must consider when doing this, both socially and legally. Most people are not well-versed in legal matters, and when going into a divorce, they may not be fully aware of what the grounds for a divorce in Illinois are.
Understanding the grounds for a divorce in Illinois
When it comes to getting a divorce in Illinois, there is a certain standard that you have to meet in order to show you have the grounds to file. Illinois law dictates that there needs to be irreconcilable differences involved in order for a divorce to occur which have caused an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. Further, a judge needs to be able to verify that efforts were either attempted, or that doing so would either be impossible or unsafe for one or more of the family members. If you and your spouse have been apart for six months, the judge operates on the assumption that irreconcilable differences have already been established in this case.
Until very recently, Illinois operated on fault grounds for divorce. Meaning, one of the cases you can make for divorcing is that your spouse engaged in behavior that would justify a divorce. These include adultery, impotence, abuse (either of you or the child), etc. In 2016, Illinois shifted to a no-fault divorce system, meaning that one could no longer file for divorce under the reasoning that your spouse had engaged in any of the above-mentioned behaviors or activities. As a result, Illinois shifted to a no-fault system. Despite this, fault may still come into play when it comes to determining aspects such as child custody and visitation matters, and thins that constitute fault may be usable to demonstrate that reconciliation was impossible to achieve. For example, one type of fault that may be involved is physical or mental abuse; persistent examples of it would make it even more evident that it is not safe for the victimized spouse to attempt to reconcile things with their victimizer.
How can a person reconcile their marital issues?
While some divorces will be completely irreconcilable due to continuing the relationship being unsafe for you or your children, others may have avenues that may be able to save a relationship from going rotten. If you desire to try to save your relationship, there are approaches that can be taken. One of the best ways to take reconciliation is that instead of this being a new chapter of your relationship, it should be treated as a new story entirely. There are a lot of things you know about your spouse, so it will not be exactly like it was when you first started dating, but this should be a clean slate for the both of you. Get to know each other better, try to reestablish something between the two of you. You should also keep this fairly hush-hush, try to keep it between you two. This means don’t tell your kids, don’t tell your family, your friends, your co-workers, even your hairdresser. All too many people are prone to gossip, and the last thing you want is for this to get out and make things a bigger issue than it needs to be.
In the event that one or both of you has engaged in extramarital affairs, it is paramount to reconciliation that you cut ties with these people immediately. No matter how much you want to move on, these people will serve as an anchor to make it seem impossible to accomplish.
The importance of negotiation and communication
Once you have this step done, the next step is to begin to “negotiate” with one another. In order for the both of you to return to a happy relationship, both of you need to be able to know that your feelings and interests are being taken into account. One of the best ways to make this work is to consider consulting with a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor is not just good for when you are about to file for a divorce; rather, marriage counseling may be a great avenue to help prevent the marriage from going bad in the first place. For example, communication is a very important aspect of any relationship, romantic or otherwise, and when communication breaks down, that’s when the relationship breaks down. A lack of communication is one factor that leads, for instance, extramarital affairs. Improving communication can also aide a couple who is struggling with one or both spouses being emotionally unavailable.
Another thing that is worth working with a marriage counselor is conflict resolution. The longer you are in a relationship, the more likely you are to cultivate a number of different potential altercations. And unfortunately, all too many couples struggle to find a way to navigate these altercations in a healthy, productive way. By consulting with a marital counselor, they can help give you advice on how to best deal with altercations when they come up, with the ultimate goal of not allowing it to get as heated or as unproductive as they may have once been.
Sometimes, the cause of a couple drifting apart is simply them being unable to deal with grief and/ot tragedy, and allowing it to hurt their relationship. A marriage counselor can help you figure out ways to handle this thing as a pair, ensuring that the both of you are able to support each other in your trials and tribulations.
How do I proceed if the marriage is irreconcilable?
Sadly, repairing a marriage is not a foolproof matter, and if you cannot make it work, the next step is to file your divorce. You should consult with a divorce lawyer who can help with the divorce process. A competent divorce lawyer can help you understand what hurdles you may have to clear, if any, that you have not already managed to cover beforehand. A divorce lawyer can also help make the case to the judge that you have adequately demonstrated that you
